Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
