i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
