I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
