epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
