i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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