Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
