I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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