Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
