i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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