Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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