found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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