just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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