me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
