Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
two words: eviction party
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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