I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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