cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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