She's JV to your varsity
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
