their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
