I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
