Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What drink are we having for lunch?
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I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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