TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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