Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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