i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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