He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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