I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize