He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
