I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
