buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
