So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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