also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
