I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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