How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
