Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
