You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
