Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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