girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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