apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
