If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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