i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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