You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
