I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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