I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
