she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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