Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
