I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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