I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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