that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
