You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
