did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
