Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
