I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake