Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic

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(480): so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic http://tfl.nu/3cem

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(713): View more from Texas

you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.

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(713): you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank. http://tfl.nu/t4i5

Replies (12) Good night (3620) Bad night (914)
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(407): View more from Florida

Your dick is once again the conversation topic.

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(407): Your dick is once again the conversation topic. http://tfl.nu/okqh

Replies (12) Good night (4597) Bad night (617)
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(951): View more from California

she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.

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(951): she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked. http://tfl.nu/fnf4

Replies (18) Good night (4086) Bad night (1239)
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(619): View more from California

I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.

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(619): I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me. http://tfl.nu/zz8y

Replies (3) Good night (797) Bad night (2646)
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(516): View more from New York

She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.

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(516): She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her. http://tfl.nu/vneo

Replies (3) Good night (877) Bad night (3010)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.

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(870): It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis. http://tfl.nu/5xg0

Replies (5) Good night (1999) Bad night (1296)
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(614): View more from Ohio

We just shotgunned beers for America

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(614): We just shotgunned beers for America http://tfl.nu/dv8f

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(256): View more from Alabama

Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.

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(256): Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important. http://tfl.nu/3x1r

Replies (4) Good night (1802) Bad night (604)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight

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(847): Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight http://tfl.nu/9jn8

Replies (2) Good night (1981) Bad night (649)
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(660): View more from Missouri

He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.

(816): View more from Missouri

Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...

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(660): He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence. (816): Your vagina must be laced with cocaine... http://tfl.nu/n747

Replies (7) Good night (1811) Bad night (808)
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(734): View more from Michigan

we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.

(248): View more from Michigan

...that shit cray.

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(734): we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet. (248): ...that shit cray. http://tfl.nu/b6yz

Replies (14) Good night (4972) Bad night (808)
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(515): View more from Iowa

So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?

(1-515): View more from Iowa

Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....

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(515): So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night? (1-515): Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something .... http://tfl.nu/8iom

Replies (10) Good night (2266) Bad night (576)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.

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(734): Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator. http://tfl.nu/c745

Replies (1) Good night (670) Bad night (405)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.

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(608): He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love. http://tfl.nu/9m9h

Replies (1) Good night (864) Bad night (295)

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