Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Use "feeling words"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.