Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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