I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
