so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
