What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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