She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
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Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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