I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
