he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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