At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
