its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
