Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
