So drunk its hurt
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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