so explain again why im purple
no
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
