the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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