how can u be prego again
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
